September 2020 - LastBestPlace

lawyer humor
by LastBestPlace 01 Oct '20

01 Oct '20

A lawyer with a wife and 12 children needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home. He was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said that he had 12 children no one would rent a home to him, because they felt that the children would destroy the place. He couldn't say that he had no children, because he couldn't lie; we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie. So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids. He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked: "How many children do you have?" He answered: "Twelve.” The agent asked, "Where are the others?” The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered, “They're in the cemetery with their mother.” MORAL: It's not necessary to lie. One only has to choose the right words.

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Paddy Murphy humor
by LastBestPlace 28 Sep '20

28 Sep '20

Paddy Murphy Paddy Murphy applied for a forklift operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin. A Norwegian also applied for the same job. Since both applicants had similar qualifications they were asked to sit for a test and were led to a quiet room where they would not be interrupted. When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20. The manager went to Paddy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job.” Paddy said,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct and this being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.” The Manager replied, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.” Paddy started to get annoyed and asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another? The Manager said, "Simple; on question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down, 'I don't know'. You put down, 'Neither do I'."

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09/16/20 West Glacier Commutes Woes
by LastBestPlace 16 Sep '20

16 Sep '20

Sandy is substitute teaching at the elementary school this week, a 3 minute drive away, but had to wait for traffic to clear in our driveway this morning. I was actually outside getting ready to start some yard work. The bear was about 40 yards away from me when I noticed him — a wee bit too close for comfort.

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09/14/20 The 18th hole is no longer unbearable to play
by LastBestPlace 14 Sep '20

14 Sep '20

Pretty big black bear was playing through this morning. I guess this means we’ll be picking the apples off of our tree before he tears it to shreds.

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Paddy humor
by LastBestPlace 12 Sep '20

12 Sep '20

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an E-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home.... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation .....she never got your E-mail!"

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old political humor
by LastBestPlace 10 Sep '20

10 Sep '20

Nicolas Longworth, Republican Speak of the House for many years, was funny himself... he was bald, and some pol once rubbed Longwworth's head and said "why, it feels like my wife's rear end." Longworth then ran a hand over his own head and replied, "so it does!!"

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marriage broker humor
by LastBestPlace 08 Sep '20

08 Sep '20

The family is most concerned that their 30-year-old son is unmarried. So, they call a marriage broker and ask him to find their son a good wife. The broker comes over to their house and spends a long time asking questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a wife/daughter-in-law. They give him a long shopping list of requirements. The marriage broker takes a long time looking,and finally asks to visit the family again. He then tells them of a wonderful woman he has found. He says she's just the right age for the son. She keeps a clean home, she regularly attends church and knows the prayers by heart, and she's a wonderful cook. She loves children and wants a large family. And, to crown it all off, she's gorgeous. After hearing all this, the family is very impressed and begins to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future. But the son pauses and asks inappropriately: " is she also good in bed ? " The marriage broker answers, " Some say yes, some say no...."

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Poor pensioner humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Sep '20

06 Sep '20

A widow, her son and her daughter were driving to the mountains to scatter Dad's ashes. Mom held the package on her lap and wept. "Poor dad, I wish he could have seen grandchildren," she said. "Poor dad, he wanted to take me to Paris." "Poor dad, he never got to write that novel." They walked a short ways to a secluded clearing. Mom handed the package to the son and said, "Pour Dad."

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LastBestPlace September 2020