February 2021 - LastBestPlace

dead humor
by LastBestPlace 19 Feb '21

19 Feb '21

“They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ about the dead unless it’s good,” she said. Referring to her husband, she added: “He’s dead. Good!”

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funeral humor
by LastBestPlace 17 Feb '21

17 Feb '21

An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him, and the old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. And, after the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."

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How to prevent gmail from filtering to the Spam folder
by LastBestPlace 13 Feb '21

13 Feb '21

Using gmail and occasionally missing a lastbestplace email that is filtered into the Spam folder? The fix: Settings > Filters and Blocked Addresses Create a new filter Use the email address "lastbestplace(a)mailman.ejop.com" Once created, select the option "Never send it to Spam" This at least works for me. I also think emails that go thru gmail's spam filtering processes may also get delayed in order to be filtered.

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02/12/21 Our coldest night ever [*resend*]
by LastBestPlace 13 Feb '21

13 Feb '21

*/[*** Re-sending this. Gmail and other email providers appear to be silently filtering and discarding this email!! ***]/* Our previous record low the house thermometer ever recorded was -20. Beat that this morning, with -22.0 (actually has dropped to -23.3 at 7:30am) The good news is that the forecast sunny and will warm up rapidly, before yet another bitter cold night. Another no ski day for me. The morning Whitefish Mountain ski report: ***We have a 5:00 AM temperature at the Summit of -20 degrees, gusts up to 24mph and a wind chill of -45. We will only be running lower mountain lifts today (Chairs 2, 3, 6, 9 and the Big Easy carpet). Night skiing tonight will be canceled as well.*** It's day 6 of cold temperatures and round two of the coldest. I think all you can do is laugh, cozy up at home, sharpen your edges and do that thing you needed to do... call your grandma? It's a great reminder that in the end, the mountains and mother nature are in charge of the show. For the LOWER mountain we have a forecasted */*high*/ of 6 degrees and wind chills temperatures as low as *-37*, with moderate winds and sunny skies. *For those that head out on the hill today, be sure to wear many insulating layers, keep all exposed skin covered, and keep in mind it's always a good idea to *ski and ride with a partner.*

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02/12/21 Our coldest night ever
by LastBestPlace 13 Feb '21

13 Feb '21

Our previous record low the house thermometer ever recorded was -20. Beat that this morning, with -22.0 (actually has dropped to -23.3 at 7:30am) The good news is that the forecast sunny and will warm up rapidly, before yet another bitter cold night. Another no ski day for me. The morning Whitefish Mountain ski report: ***We have a 5:00 AM temperature at the Summit of -20 degrees, gusts up to 24mph and a wind chill of -45. We will only be running lower mountain lifts today (Chairs 2, 3, 6, 9 and the Big Easy carpet). Night skiing tonight will be canceled as well.*** It's day 6 of cold temperatures and round two of the coldest. I think all you can do is laugh, cozy up at home, sharpen your edges and do that thing you needed to do... call your grandma? It's a great reminder that in the end, the mountains and mother nature are in charge of the show. For the LOWER mountain we have a forecasted */*high*/ of 6 degrees and wind chills temperatures as low as *-37*, with moderate winds and sunny skies. *For those that head out on the hill today, be sure to wear many insulating layers, keep all exposed skin covered, and keep in mind it's always a good idea to *ski and ride with a partner.*

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Doctor humor
by LastBestPlace 11 Feb '21

11 Feb '21

Sophie comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband, Max asks, "Why are you so happy?" Sophie says, "Doctor Cohen told me that for a fifty five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped Max, "What did he say about your fifty five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up.

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02/09/21 Winter Just Arrived
by LastBestPlace 11 Feb '21

11 Feb '21

It's been a very mild winter so far. The most snow in a single day day has been a few inches, and daytime temperatures above freezing had been melting a lot of that away. But winter arrived this past week. A very windy and cold snowstorm dumped about a foot of very fine, dry powder. This was immediately followed by plummeting temperatures. It was -6 when I got up yesterday and delivered the neighbor's newspapers -- my other day job -- and later in the day under clear blue skies it warmed up to 3 degrees on the positive side. Weather like this makes the air incredibly clear, so Sandy and I went off into the park to take some photos. Our "not-so-woke" Eskimo/Indian Temperature thermometer shows it has warmed up to 2 dogs. The driveway is shoveled except for snow blown in by the winds. A quick check of the new chimney-less roof. Even though the roof is all metal, the snow can stick to it on the bolts heads of the screws. First stop is to the old bridge. The river is partly frozen, and though there is open water in the middle we can actually see it freezing up. Looking at the river from the exact same spot 7 days earlier Looking upstream the river is all frozen. In the center you can see the rougher area of ice where there had been a channel of open water. Again same spot 7 days earlier. The Belton Bridge in winter attire. Sandy is on the bridge. DON'T JUMP! The West Entrance to Glacier National Park, unmanned on weekdays in the winter. On Camas Road just after the stop sign, with a peak of the Apgar Mountains. The frozen shoreline of Lake McDonald, watching the ice form. Typical winds blow towards this shoreline. The beautiful view from the boat dock. The lake is about 8 miles long, so the mountains are roughly ten miles away. Photos, at least with my phone, don't do justice to how clear the peaks are. It really needs to be seen in person -- so come for that winter visit!! The lake also had a thin layer of fog over it. The lake water is roughly 33 degrees on the surface and the air is only 3 degrees. Sandy, in clear violation of the January 20 Executive Order requiring masks at all times while on federal property with no exceptions. She is such a scofflaw. The lake effect. The low fog over the lake gets blown on to the shore, where it freezes on the lower 4 feet of trees and bushes. A closer view of the lake effect. The ice formed on the branches is directional due to the wind, so it is only on one side of the branch. Where do we live in relation to all this? We are about 1 mile downstream from Lake McDonald. From this viewpoint the Belton Hills are on the left, and the Apgar Mountain Range is on the right, and we are back in the gap. Another view of the Apgar Mountains. So pretty! Mt. Vaught and Mt. Stanton, with some glazed rocks on the shoreline. Someone has been out cross country skiing on the bike path. Such an awesome place to ski. -10 this morning at the house, and the next few days will be even colder. Probably just stay inside and work on jigsaw puzzles.

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George Schultz humor
by LastBestPlace 10 Feb '21

10 Feb '21

George Schultz, Secretary of State under President Reagan, passed away at age 100 this week. In one of his tributes the following story was related ... Shultz was then, as best we recall, President Nixon’s budget director. He was in town on such business and called a press conference at the federal building, which was across the street from the [Wall Street] Journal’s news bureau. So we tucked a notebook in our pocket and went over at the appointed hour. There were an astonishing number of reporters present. Nixon was by then in the heavy seas of Watergate, and various members of his administration were starting to decamp. At some point, a television reporter, with a camera crew, stands up and says to Shultz. “Mr. Secretary, a lot of people are starting to quit the administration; are you yourself going to leave, sir?” Something like that. To which Shultz replied: “Well, I am a Marine, and a Marine sticks to his post.” The scrum of reporters was digesting this when the television guy, who had sat down, maneuvered himself back up into an upright position and said, “Well, sir. I’m a Marine, too, and when I was in the Marines, we were told, ‘A thinking Marine is a dead Marine.’” The reporters swiveled back in Shultz’s direction, where, without missing a beat, Shultz says: “I see why you survived.”

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Amazon humor
by LastBestPlace 04 Feb '21

04 Feb '21

[Amazon Head Office] JEFF BEZOS: Here is my resignation as CEO BOARD MEMBER: Ok, thanks JEFF BEZOS: I see you’ve liked my resignation. Perhaps you’d like these other resignation

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LastBestPlace February 2021