LastBestPlace April 2021

lastbestplace@mailman.ejop.com

1 participants
5 discussions

text humor
by LastBestPlace 10 Apr '21

10 Apr '21

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!” The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”

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tsunami humor
by LastBestPlace 08 Apr '21

08 Apr '21

A man went to his therapist and said he has a horrible fear of tsunamis. The therapist asked him, "What do you feel? How bad is it?" The man said, "It comes in waves."

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406-2021 Happy Montana Day!
by LastBestPlace 07 Apr '21

07 Apr '21

Happy Montana Day. It is April 6 which is the telephone area code for the entire state of Montana (406). Today marks 3 years since my last productive day as a member of society, and the beginning of my retirement. A heart felt thank you to all those hard working tax payers who cheerfully contribute to my very happy lifestyle in the Last Best Place! It would not be possible without you. Definitely an uneventful year here. Some house work was completed. Did some hiking, some biking, some running, some skiing. Same old same old. What does retirement entail? My daily minimal run during the non winter season is to the old bridge and back, roughly a 4 mile round trip jaunt. April 4, 2020 a reasonably clear day was met with a snowstorm on the way. Sandy even called me as I approached the bridge, asking if she should pick me up (not an effing chance!) Nearly a year later, April 6, 2021, it is sunny and 55 degrees. Only a small amount of snow in the shade is left. The daily run is important. Never would have survived years of work without out it. A very good base for all the other activities. Daily dose of vitamin D to stay healthy. Get the heart rate and breathing elevated. Keep all the parts in good working order! I run, therefore I am. The Middle Fork of the Flathead River is as alive as I am. I am blessed to observe this during my runs to the bridge. It is designated a Wild and Scenic River. No dams allowed. The river level can change daily, sometimes quite dramatically. No two days are exactly the same; savor the moment while you can. There are no bad days -- but some days are really, really special. April 4, 2020 April 13, 2020 May 1, 2020 June 3, 2020 June 7, 2020 July 2, 2020 July 12, 2020 July 14, 2020 September 8, 2020 March 3, 2021 April 6, 2021 Retirement means I can make a serious effort to watch the sun rise every morning and the sun set every evening. It helps that I am blessed with an incredible location to view them. April 19, 2020. Sunset on the other side of the 18th fairway. Some snow remains on the lower Apgar Mountains. October 14, 2020. Fall sunset Christmas Eve, 2020. The sun is setting about as far left as it can on the horizon. January 19, 2021. Shades of red you never knew existed. February 1, 2021. The grass around the base of the tree shows what a warm low snow year it has been. February 24, 2021. It never ceases to amaze. March 8, 2021. The clouds light the sky on fire at sunset. March 23, 2021. Sunrise after a snowy night. The sun is minutes away. Retirement means having the time to watch a Mountain Ash change colors. Retirement means Happy Hour with the neighbors (and friends!) on the first fairway in the spring, with a view of the snow covered mountains of Glacier NP in the background. Retirement means hiking at Logan Pass with Sandy on October 9, 2020. This was the last day of the season you could drive to the pass before it was closed for the winter. Retirement means SKI! 38 days of downhill skiing this season. Retirement means 13 days of skinning up the mountain. Retirement means Scamping. Do I miss working for a living? Let me think about that some and get back to you

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container humor
by LastBestPlace 04 Apr '21

04 Apr '21

A side note on the container ship: A significant portion of the world’s commerce is shipped in those standard sized containers. In order for the containers to stack properly, they all have to be precisely the same size, either 6.096 meters or 12.192 meters long, which, amazingly, converts to 20 feet and 40 feet. The next time someone tells you that the entire rest of the world uses the metric system, smack them upside the head with a 5.08 cm by 10.16 cm

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old lady humor
by LastBestPlace 01 Apr '21

01 Apr '21

A cranky older woman, Ruth "in her senior years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process. When she appeared before judge Abrams, he asked her what she had stolen from the store. Ruth defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches you old fool.” The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store." The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She replied in a nasty tone, "Nine! But why do you care about that?" The judge answered patiently, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach." As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband, Max, raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak. "Yes, sir, what do you have to add?" The husband said meekly, "Your Honor, she also stole two cans of peas.“

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LastBestPlace April 2021