LastBestPlace August 2023

lastbestplace@mailman.ejop.com

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07/23-08/23: Patio Replacement
by LastBestPlace 22 Aug '23

22 Aug '23

Retirement is not just leisure time spent rafting, kayaking, backpacking and hiking -- those stories and photos from this summer are forthcoming later!! This summer's house improvement project was the demolition and replacement of the cement patio facing the golf course. The existing patio was probably poured in 1979 when the house was built. It had some major cracks in it, and had sunk some in front of the sliding glass windows, which caused a lovely and dangerous ice rink to form where one steps outside. This was caused in part by the fact that the patio was level -- so no slope to allow water to drain off. This needed to be fixed. The hardest part of any house project is finding someone to do the work. Smaller residential projects are definitely more difficult to get a service interested. After asking around, two different sources both highly recommended the contractor we went with, and we are very pleased with the results. Mid July, day one of the project, the first hole is punched thru with the jackhammer. The immediate big surprise was that it was hollow underneath the patio!! This explains why the patio sunk as it began cracking. Hot and dusty work. All the debris was hand loaded in to a wheelbarrow and dumped in to a trailer. The cinder block wall along the perimeter had portions that crumbled during the demolition, which requires patching later. In order to provide a proper base for the new cement, gravel was brought in, in a wheelbarrow by hand. The planks were put down as a roadway for the wheelbarrow. Starting to shape up. Gravel in place, which went thru a number of tamping iterations, and the framing for the cement is getting put in place. The north side of the house was the last area to be demolished. This allowed them easier wheelbarrow access for removing debris and bringing gravel in. The only issue is that we discovered some rot on the siding on the north side only a few days before the cement was scheduled to be poured. Ideally it is easier to repair it before the concrete is poured, but we did not want to delay the patio work. So we will deal with the siding issues later. Note the cinder block wall was weak on this side of the house. I actually was not present for the concrete pouring. I was off on a multi-day backpacking adventure. Yesterday (8/20), I was finally able to paint the sides of new patio. Painting about 2 feet of wall at ground level is a killer on my knees! The dark paint helps hide the mismatch between new concrete and old cinder block on the side wall. The issue with the siding rot remains as a new separate house repair task. The new patio has about a 2.5 inch slope from the house to the outside. This should be enough to prevent snow melt from pooling next to the house. Successful completion of yet another big house project. We are very pleased with the results.

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government job humor
by LastBestPlace 20 Aug '23

20 Aug '23

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American humor
by LastBestPlace 14 Aug '23

14 Aug '23

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and had made it to Southampton, England, there to board a train bound for a few days in London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat he found was one directly across from a well-dressed, middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?” The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my little Fifi is using that seat?” The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip to the end of the train, he found himself once again facing the woman with the dog in the opposite seat. Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.” The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, but you are also quite arrogant. Imagine!” The soldier leaned against the swaying wall of the train and again asked if he might please sit down. The lady said, “Not only are you Americans rude and arrogant, you’re also very inconsiderate.” The soldier didn’t say anything else. Instead, he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train, and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, demanding that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding your fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

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New York humor
by LastBestPlace 07 Aug '23

07 Aug '23

Daniel, a single 40-year-old, has just returned from a business trip to New York and is telling his friend Sam about a telephone conversation he had while there. "What an embarrassing conversation it was," Daniel says. "In what way was it embarrassing?" asks Sam. "Well," replies Daniel, "Whenever I go on a business trip, I always pick up one of the cards left in various places that advertise girls willing to help men relax – you know what I mean, don’t you, Sam, massage and all that?" "Yes, of course I know what ‘all that’ means," replies Sam with a wide smile on his face. Daniel continues. "So as soon as I had checked into my hotel, I took out the card I found in my airport taxi. It was from a girl called, “SEXYLEGS” and believe me, Sam, the photo on the card was of a long legged beauty with great curves and a gorgeous smile kneeling on a bed. You know the kind, don’t you, Sam?" "I sure do," replies Sam. "So I'm in my room and I call her," continues Daniel. "‘Hello,’ the lady says to me, and Oy vay, did she sound sexy! I couldn’t wait to meet her so I said, ‘Hello, I understand that you give a wonderful massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. But I also want more. Let me be honest with you - I've just arrived from New York and I’m feeling horny. What I need badly is some sex. And I want it for the whole night. You name it, we'll do it, so bring all of your lotions, potions and toys with you and well have an all-night session to remember. You can even cover me with strawberries and cream. How does that grab you, darling?’" "Wow," says Sam, "so what did she say to that?" "She said, ‘That sounds pretty fantastic to me, but for an outside line you need to dial 9 first.’"

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