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02/12/21 Our coldest night ever
by LastBestPlace 13 Feb '21

13 Feb '21

Our previous record low the house thermometer ever recorded was -20. Beat that this morning, with -22.0 (actually has dropped to -23.3 at 7:30am) The good news is that the forecast sunny and will warm up rapidly, before yet another bitter cold night. Another no ski day for me. The morning Whitefish Mountain ski report: ***We have a 5:00 AM temperature at the Summit of -20 degrees, gusts up to 24mph and a wind chill of -45. We will only be running lower mountain lifts today (Chairs 2, 3, 6, 9 and the Big Easy carpet). Night skiing tonight will be canceled as well.*** It's day 6 of cold temperatures and round two of the coldest. I think all you can do is laugh, cozy up at home, sharpen your edges and do that thing you needed to do... call your grandma? It's a great reminder that in the end, the mountains and mother nature are in charge of the show. For the LOWER mountain we have a forecasted */*high*/ of 6 degrees and wind chills temperatures as low as *-37*, with moderate winds and sunny skies. *For those that head out on the hill today, be sure to wear many insulating layers, keep all exposed skin covered, and keep in mind it's always a good idea to *ski and ride with a partner.*

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Doctor humor
by LastBestPlace 11 Feb '21

11 Feb '21

Sophie comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband, Max asks, "Why are you so happy?" Sophie says, "Doctor Cohen told me that for a fifty five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped Max, "What did he say about your fifty five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up.

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02/09/21 Winter Just Arrived
by LastBestPlace 11 Feb '21

11 Feb '21

It's been a very mild winter so far. The most snow in a single day day has been a few inches, and daytime temperatures above freezing had been melting a lot of that away. But winter arrived this past week. A very windy and cold snowstorm dumped about a foot of very fine, dry powder. This was immediately followed by plummeting temperatures. It was -6 when I got up yesterday and delivered the neighbor's newspapers -- my other day job -- and later in the day under clear blue skies it warmed up to 3 degrees on the positive side. Weather like this makes the air incredibly clear, so Sandy and I went off into the park to take some photos. Our "not-so-woke" Eskimo/Indian Temperature thermometer shows it has warmed up to 2 dogs. The driveway is shoveled except for snow blown in by the winds. A quick check of the new chimney-less roof. Even though the roof is all metal, the snow can stick to it on the bolts heads of the screws. First stop is to the old bridge. The river is partly frozen, and though there is open water in the middle we can actually see it freezing up. Looking at the river from the exact same spot 7 days earlier Looking upstream the river is all frozen. In the center you can see the rougher area of ice where there had been a channel of open water. Again same spot 7 days earlier. The Belton Bridge in winter attire. Sandy is on the bridge. DON'T JUMP! The West Entrance to Glacier National Park, unmanned on weekdays in the winter. On Camas Road just after the stop sign, with a peak of the Apgar Mountains. The frozen shoreline of Lake McDonald, watching the ice form. Typical winds blow towards this shoreline. The beautiful view from the boat dock. The lake is about 8 miles long, so the mountains are roughly ten miles away. Photos, at least with my phone, don't do justice to how clear the peaks are. It really needs to be seen in person -- so come for that winter visit!! The lake also had a thin layer of fog over it. The lake water is roughly 33 degrees on the surface and the air is only 3 degrees. Sandy, in clear violation of the January 20 Executive Order requiring masks at all times while on federal property with no exceptions. She is such a scofflaw. The lake effect. The low fog over the lake gets blown on to the shore, where it freezes on the lower 4 feet of trees and bushes. A closer view of the lake effect. The ice formed on the branches is directional due to the wind, so it is only on one side of the branch. Where do we live in relation to all this? We are about 1 mile downstream from Lake McDonald. From this viewpoint the Belton Hills are on the left, and the Apgar Mountain Range is on the right, and we are back in the gap. Another view of the Apgar Mountains. So pretty! Mt. Vaught and Mt. Stanton, with some glazed rocks on the shoreline. Someone has been out cross country skiing on the bike path. Such an awesome place to ski. -10 this morning at the house, and the next few days will be even colder. Probably just stay inside and work on jigsaw puzzles.

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George Schultz humor
by LastBestPlace 10 Feb '21

10 Feb '21

George Schultz, Secretary of State under President Reagan, passed away at age 100 this week. In one of his tributes the following story was related ... Shultz was then, as best we recall, President Nixon’s budget director. He was in town on such business and called a press conference at the federal building, which was across the street from the [Wall Street] Journal’s news bureau. So we tucked a notebook in our pocket and went over at the appointed hour. There were an astonishing number of reporters present. Nixon was by then in the heavy seas of Watergate, and various members of his administration were starting to decamp. At some point, a television reporter, with a camera crew, stands up and says to Shultz. “Mr. Secretary, a lot of people are starting to quit the administration; are you yourself going to leave, sir?” Something like that. To which Shultz replied: “Well, I am a Marine, and a Marine sticks to his post.” The scrum of reporters was digesting this when the television guy, who had sat down, maneuvered himself back up into an upright position and said, “Well, sir. I’m a Marine, too, and when I was in the Marines, we were told, ‘A thinking Marine is a dead Marine.’” The reporters swiveled back in Shultz’s direction, where, without missing a beat, Shultz says: “I see why you survived.”

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Amazon humor
by LastBestPlace 04 Feb '21

04 Feb '21

[Amazon Head Office] JEFF BEZOS: Here is my resignation as CEO BOARD MEMBER: Ok, thanks JEFF BEZOS: I see you’ve liked my resignation. Perhaps you’d like these other resignation

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Salesman humor
by LastBestPlace 22 Jan '21

22 Jan '21

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other, and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm. Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?" Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?”

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01/03/21 Happy New Year
by LastBestPlace 04 Jan '21

04 Jan '21

Happy New Year. We get some of the last best sunsets out our windows. Come visit and see for yourself! One new addition last year is our loyal guard Moose (thank you very much Mary G.!) Winter in West Glacier means I don't need a gym membership to get a workout. I go shovel snow instead. The deck is easy to clear. Just push it off over the stairs, and then .... ... use the snowblower to dispose of the pile. Also clear off the cars and hand shovel around them. This all starts before it is light out; a great way to watch the sun rise (except there is no sun on snowy mornings) The fully cleared driveway, before heading over to clear our neighbor's. Winter in West Glacier means Snow Shoe. Sandy out in her new Mukluk boots and new snow shoes. (The vacuum cleaner was not the only Christmas present I gave her!) Out the door on to the golf course for either snow shoeing or skiing. Amazing views surround us. The cold air provides very clear views of Glacier in the winter. Mt. Vaught and Mt. Stanton on the right, and Longfellow with Paul Bunyan's cabin towards the left. With the chimney gone, this is our first winter with no roofs leaks. The snow slides off as designed. It is actually a mild winter so far, not a lot of snow. We discovered, much to our surprise, on our first Christmas up here in 2013 that the winters are better than the summers -- and summers here are incredibly amazing. Come see for yourself.

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12/31/20 New Years Eve
by LastBestPlace 04 Jan '21

04 Jan '21

It's 7:30am on the last day of 2020. This is my 12th day at the slopes of this ski season, heading up to Whitefish Mountain. In the dark I get the car loaded up with gear and start the nearly hour drive. It's been really busy this holiday week -- lot's of cars with plates from Washington and California in search of a place to ski, and I expect today to be no different with the crowds. The drive up is dark, slowly getting lighter thru heavy clouds and snow is falling, and I've got the tunes cranked up with the Cowboy Junkies singing "Cheap is How I Feel". I have such a fabulous commute going to "work". Today will be different, though. Sally gave me a Christmas present of new ski pants, which finally arrived the day before. These are Arc'teryx -- really good quality pants!! -- replacing my old baggy Costco pants. These were desperately needed in order to allow me ski up the hill. Last season, with great help from Sally, I invested in backcountry skis. Whitefish allows skinning up the hill on two designated routes, and this will be my first time up this season. Skin up; ski down. Avoid the crowded lift lines. I've only done the Benny Up route so far, and today is no different. The Base Lodge is at 4700 feet and the summit is at 6790 feet, so 2090 feet gain over roughly 1.5 miles, with skis, ski equipment, and a backpack just to add some weight. The goal is to get up to the summit before the lunch rush, get a table inside and have a slice of pepperoni pizza -- my humble opinion is that this provides the most calories for the buck of any item on the menu. After the climb I don't care about quality calories :-) I made it to the Spruce parking lot around 8:30 the lot was about 80% full. It's gonna be really crowded. By the time I get the gear on and get started, it is about 9am. The Chair 6 lift line at the Base Lodge is busy. I'm going slow, making adjustments and taking a layer off, so about 20 minutes later I'm above Chair 1 and it's line is the longest I've ever seen (since I avoid going to ski on busy days). The chair opens at 9:30, so it's still another 10 minutes before that line will be moving. The view going up. I'm roasting and sweating already. The route is easy to follow since a lot of people have already gone up. There are a fair amount of locals who go up and ski down before they go to work. There's about 5 inches of new powder, and probably only the ski patrol has enjoyed it so far. The route crosses under the Chair 1 a couple times, and every chair is now occupied. Getting near white out conditions heading up. I've got my bicycle tail light on the front of my backpack. There is a risk, especially with tourists on rental skis out of control, of a collision in bad visibility, so hopefully the light gives them a warning and not a target. The final crossing under the lift. This is close to the top, and the steepest portions are behind me. I'm pretty coated in sweat by now, and the muscles are all tired. About 10 people passed me on the way; sadly I passed none. The Summit House. I made it! The end justifies the means. The skiing down was uneventful, except that my legs were really, really tired. I'm expecting if I do this once a week it will get easier and faster. It is an awesome workout for this old pour pensioner taking up a new sport.

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labor humor
by LastBestPlace 25 Dec '20

25 Dec '20

A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labour. As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father. They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine. The doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father. The wife says, “Oh, that’s actually better.” The husband says he can’t feel anything. Then the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn’t hurt nearly as much. The husband says he sill can’t feel anything. The Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%. The husband still can’t feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her. The baby is born. The couple go home and find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep.

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Four Husband humor
by LastBestPlace 21 Dec '20

21 Dec '20

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. (Wait for it) She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

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